《在下、鄙人和我(2017)》第一季第十一集完整中英文对照剧本

每个人在你的生活中都扮演着不同的角色

Everyone you know plays a different role in your life.

大多数会让你的生活更美好

Most of those people make your life better.

但剩下的 绝对会让你的生活更糟

But others, they definitely make your life worse.

菲尔·历科兹

Phil Ricozzi.

怎么了 莱利

What's the matter, Riley?

因为我和你的梦中情人约会而伤心吗

Upset that I'm going out with the girl of your dreams?

你是来这幸灾乐祸的吗

Did you just come here to gloat?

幸灾乐祸是什么意思

What does gloat mean?

就是戳我的痛处

It means to rub it in my face.

那没错 我就是来幸灾乐祸的

Well then yes, I gloat at you.

天啊 诺丽怎么会跟你这种货色约会

God, how could someone like Nori go out with something like you?

我不知道 但她就是

I don't know, but she is.

这是证明 二货

And here's your proof, sucka.

"菲尔和诺丽永远在一起"

"Phil and Nori forever".

她给你做的吗

She made you this?

你留着吧

You know what? Keep it.

它会不断提醒你

It'll be a constant reminder that you're

你只是她愚蠢的朋友

just her stupid friend,

我才是可以吻她漂亮脸蛋的人

and I'm someone she lets kiss her awesome face.

你只能希望最终

You just have to hope that eventually

可以摆脱这些人

you can put those people behind you,

然后继续自己的生活

and move on with your life.

你们好 你们本来是与贝蒂有约

Hey, guys, I know you were supposed to meet with Betty today,

但是我们新副总听说你们要来

but our new VP heard you were coming in,

他坚持要听你们的提案

and insisted on hearing the pitch himself.

很显然 你们和他交情很深

Apparently, you guys go way back.

你好呀 莱利 你的辣妈还好吗

What's up, Riley? How is your hot mom?

菲尔·历科兹

Phil Ricozzi?

但有时 这些人会以出人意料的方式

But sometimes, those people come back into your life

回到你的生活中

in the most unexpected ways.

亚历克斯 你还记得菲尔·历科兹吗

Alex, do you remember Phil Ricozzi?

我当然记得

Yes, of course I remember Phil Ricozzi.

那个自恋的混♥蛋♥折磨了我很多年

That narcissistic jerk tormented me for years.

今天我要一份丹佛煎蛋卷

I think today I will have a Denver omelet.

他去世了

He died.

愿这个自恋的混♥蛋♥能安息

Well, may the narcissistic jerk rest in peace.

加一个烤面包圈 谢谢

And a toasted bagel, please.

三代同堂

第一季 第十一集

亚历克斯·莱利 25年了

Alex Riley, it's been 25 years.

你是单蛋吗

Is that you, One Nut?

叫我达瑞尔吧

I prefer Darryl.

为什么 那是你的真名吗

Why? Is that your real name?

我以为你的身体状况

I would've thought your medical condition

会阻碍你发育 但是看看你现在

would've stunted your growth, but look at you!

你长得跟男人一样了

You're the size of a man!

-那你是 -那么 菲尔

- And you're an a-- - So, Phil, uh...

你怎么来风投行业了

What are you doing in the VC business?

我以为你去演戏了

I thought you were into the whole acting thing.

没有 我接了一些广♥告♥

Nah, I did a bunch of commercials.

我还在电视台与泰拉·瑞德搭戏

And I frenched Tara Reid in a Lifetime movie.

-抱歉 -但是后来我意识到

- Sorry. - But then I realized

风投才能赚大钱

the real money is in this VC world.

你们不会相信我现在多么有钱

You would never believe how rich I am.

怪不得都说人善被人欺

And they say nice guys finish last.

没错 单蛋

True that, One Nut.

叫我达瑞尔

I prefer Darryl.

见到你们真的太好了

It's really good to see you guys.

真的吗 我有一点疑惑

Really? 'Cause I'm a little thrown.

我感觉在中学的时候 我们

I feel like in middle school, you and I were--

我们当时都是孩子嘛

Kids. That's all we were.

但是对我来说

But as far as this guy's concerned,

每个和我一起长大的人 都是家人

everyone I grew up with, they're family.

橄榄园餐厅那种的

You know, in that Olive Garden type of way.

我不在那吃饭啊 重申一下 我超级成功

Not that I eat there. Again, super successful.

那我们还等什么呢

So what are we waiting for?

去听听这天才的想法吧

Let's go hear this genius idea!

我说不好 哥们 我感觉不妙

I don't know, man. I smell a rat.

怎么 你觉得这家伙让我们来这

What? Do you think this guy brought us

只是为了当面嘲笑我们吗

all the way down here just to laugh in our faces?

没错 我就是这么想的

Yeah, that's exactly what I think.

嗯 我也是

Yeah, so do I.

人会是变的 你看看你

Come on, people change, right? I mean, look at you!

我怎么了

What about me?

你长得跟男人一样了

Yeah, you grew up to be the size of a man!

你女性解剖学考得怎么样

Hey, how'd you do on that female anatomy test?

我好像拼错了"输卵管"

I think I spelled "fallopian" wrong,

但是我肯定拼对了"乳♥房♥♥"

but I definitely got "boobs" right.

是"胸部"

It's "breasts".

-我的天啊 -嗯

- Oh, boy. - Yeah.

-亚历克斯 -诺丽

- Hey, Alex. - Hey, Nori.

你躲着我是因为

Have you been avoiding me because I've been spending

我天天和菲尔·历科兹在一起吗

so much time with Phil Ricozzi?

我知道你觉得他有点混♥蛋♥

I know you think he's a little bit of a jerk.

不是的 我是觉得他非常混♥蛋♥

That's not true. I think he's a lot of a jerk.

如果你给菲尔一个机会

I promise if you give Phil a chance,

就会发现他是一个非常好的人

you'd realize he's a really good guy.

你从哪儿弄来的这个

Where did you get this?

-菲尔给我的 -为什么

- Phil gave it to me. - Why?

来炫耀我是他的女朋友吗

To rub it in your face that I'm his girlfriend?

不是的

Nah.

菲尔这么好的人才不会这种事呢

A good guy like Phil would never do something like that.

总之 再见啦

Anyway, see you.

我不喜欢这样

I don't like this.

我一点也不喜欢这样

I don't like this at all.

我们已经到了朋友

We're getting to that age where our friends

开始去世的年纪了

are starting to die off.

2042年了 按理说现在

It's 2042, you'd think they'd have cured

应该已经不会死了

this whole death thing by now.

菲尔的追悼会在周四

So, Phil's memorial is planned for Thursday.

你不会真的

Oh, well you're not actually thinking about

要去参加吧

going to that thing, are you?

他对我做的事不可饶恕 埃莉诺

The guy treated me unforgivably, Eleanor.

既然他不在了 也许你该原谅他了

Well, now that he's gone, maybe it's time that you forgave him,

和我一起去...

so why don't you come with me--

不

No.

不不不不不

No, no, no, no, no.

我决不去参加菲尔·历科兹的追悼会

There's no way I'm going to Phil Ricozzi's memorial service.

那你就让我一个人去吗

You're gonna make me go all alone?

我问你

Let me ask you something.

你觉得我们死后

Do you think that after we die,

还能看到身边发生的事情吗

we can still see all the stuff that's going on around us?

我觉得能看到

You know something? I actually do.

那我就去

Fine. I'll go.

菲尔·历科兹看到

But just so that Phil Ricozzi is pissed off

我和你一起进去 他会气死的

when he sees you and I walk in together.

这就是婴儿滑板车

And that is the Baby Glide.

婴儿车与滑板的结合体

A combination stroller and skateboard.

专为推着孩子的时候想狂野一把的

For the hipster that wants to get a little bit wild--

潮人设计

Pushing their child!

你觉得怎么样

So what do you think?

-讨厌 -讨厌

- I hate it. - Hate?

这个词太重了吧

That's a pretty strong word,

一般是用来形容贩卖♥♥人口和菜花的

usually reserved for things like human trafficking and cauliflower.

我讨厌的是我自己怎么没想到

I hate that I didn't think of this myself.

先生们 成交

Gentlemen, you have a sale!

-真的吗 -真的

- Seriously? - Seriously!

这个创意太妙了

This idea's brilliant!

过来 拥抱一下 过来吧

Come here! I want to hug it out! Get over here, you!

还有你

You too!

瞧我 我在拥抱菲尔·历科兹

Look at me, I'm hugging Phil Ricozzi.

我在拥抱亚历克斯·莱利和 抱歉

I'm hugging Alex Riley, and uh...I'm sorry.

我忘了你的真名叫什么

I can't remember your real name.

单蛋 宝贝 叫我单蛋

It's One Nut, baby. Just call me One Nut!

单蛋 看看我们

One Nut! Look at us!

重大消息 诺丽刚刚和菲尔分手了

Big news, everybody. Nori just broke up with Phil.

你怎么知道的

How do you know?

我在学校各处谨慎地培养了

I have a network of carefully cultivated spies

一个间谍网络

scattered throughout the school.

诺丽居然和我分手了

I can't believe Nori broke up with me.

诺丽好像和菲尔分手了

I think Nori broke up with Phil.

抱歉 我不能透露消息来源

I'm sorry, but I just can't reveal my sources.

-太棒了 -为什么

- This is fantastic! - Why?

你以为她会和你交往吗

You think she's gonna go out with you?

用我奶奶的话说 得了吧

As my grandmother would say, pu-shaw!

只要她没有和菲尔在一起 我就满意了

Hey, as long as she is not with Phil, I am good.

你是为了拆散我们才把那颗心给诺丽的吗

Is that why you gave Nori the heart? To break us up?

不是 不过也许你本来就不该用它

No, but maybe you shouldn't have used it

在我面前炫耀你们的恋情

to flaunt your relationship in front of me.

"炫耀"的意思是"幸灾乐祸"

"Flaunt?" That means "gloat."

"幸灾乐祸"就是戳我的痛处[擦我的脸]

"Gloat" means to rub it in my face.

我告诉你我要拿什么擦到你脸上 地板

I'll tell you what I'm gonna rub in your face, the floor.

没错 哽仔 我们放学来决斗

That's right, Chokey. You and me after school, we're gonna fight.

什么 我...

What? I--

-就像打架吗 -不是像打架

- Like a fist fight? - Not like a fist fight.

就是打架 我用拳打你的脸

A fist fight, with my fist fighting your face,

你会被我打得鼻青脸肿

and your face fighting to stay in one piece.

能不能明天放学再打

But could we do it after school tomorrow?

我今天要去参加普瑞纳狗粮广♥告♥的面试

Today I've got an audition for a Purina Dog Chow commercial.

是吗 祝你好运

You do? Cool, good luck!

你是哪边的

Whose side are you on?

你这边 但普瑞纳狗粮的竞争真的很激烈

Yours, but Purina Dog Chow? That's a huge campaign.

敬婴儿滑板车的未来

To the future of the Baby Glide.

卖♥♥出去的感觉真爽

It feels good to make a sale.

我正开始为自己的事业发愁呢

Yeah, I was starting to get worried about my career.

开始发愁

Starting to get worried?

你已经在我家车♥库♥住了223天

You've been living in my garage for 223 days!

-但谁会数呢 -你老婆

- But who's counting? - Your wife.

你老婆在数 她在洗衣间里

Your wife is counting. She has a calendar

放了一台日历 上面划了勾勾

with check marks on it in the laundry room.

我见过

I've seen it.

让我很难过

It makes me sad.

是菲尔·历科兹办公室的女士

Hey, it's the lady from Phil Ricozzi's office.

你好 菲尔·历科兹办公室的女士

Hello, lady from Phil Ricozzi's office.

抱歉到家里打扰你们

Sorry to bother you at home.

菲尔让我带来一份已署名的合同

Phil wanted me to bring over a copy of the signed contracts

声明协议正式生效

to declare that the deal is now official.

太棒了

This is awesome.

要跳舞吗

Do you want to do the dance?

-在她面前吗 没事

- In front of her? - Yeah, no.

她会喜欢的

I think she'll like it.

*我们要发财 我们要发财*

*We are gonna be rich We are gonna be rich*

来一起跳 *我们*

Come on, join us! *We are--*

其实还有一件事

There's actually one more thing.

他还让我给你们带个消息

He also wanted me to deliver this message.

"婴儿滑板车项目现在终止

"The Baby Glide project is now dead.

我要叫停它 它永远也不会投产

I am burying it, it will never get made,

由于你们根据销量获取利润

and since your profits are based on sales,

你们将不会有任何收益 二货"

You will effectively be making nothing, suckas."

他逼我说"二货" 我觉得有点过了

He made me say "suckas," I thought it was piling on.

你说得对 确实有点过了

You were right. It was.

他为什么要让你来告诉我们

Why would he send you here to tell us that?

他可以直接发邮件

I mean, he could've just sent an e-mail.

他想让我看到你们听说

He wanted to see the looks on your faces

这个产品永远也不会投产时的表情

when you heard it was never going to get made.

-他都不在这儿 -这也不是我的主意

- But he's not even here. - Again, not my idea.

非常抱歉

I really apologize.

-我们不会发财了 -言之尚早

- We're not gonna be rich ? - Too soon.

我该怎么办 我不能和菲尔决斗

What am I--what am I gonna do? I can't fight Phil!

我还没被揍过

I've never been punched!

我得摆脱这事

I've gotta get out of this!

太晚了 有人找你公开决斗

Too late. Once someone publicly challenges you to a fight,

就没有退路了

there is no turning back.

规矩就是这样

Those are the rules.

-什么规矩 -童年的规矩

- What rules? - The rules of childhood!

通常都很残酷 但能保我们平安

They're often cruel, but they're there to keep us safe.

天呐 不敢相信我要去决斗了

God, I can't believe I'm gonna be in a fight.

我刚是听到有人说要去决斗了吗

Did I just hear there's gonna be a fight?

最重要的就是要记住

Now, the most important thing to remember

决斗前真正的战斗就已经开始了 好吗

is that the real fight starts before the fight, okay?

所以你要摸清对手的

That's when you gotta get into your opponent's

心里弱点 逐一击破

psychological weak spots, and exploit 'em!

明白我的意思吗 你这个紧张的小书呆子

You understand what I'm saying, you nervous little nerd

说话还喷口水

who spits when he talks?

-什么 -很伤人 我知道

- What? - It's hurtful, I know,

但是我在增强你的忍♥耐力

but I'm trying to build up your tolerance

这样他就摸不透你了

so he can't get inside your head,

你这个疲惫的乳臭未干的呆子

you frazzled little prepubescent geek!

拜托

Come on.

他会骂你骂得更凶

He's gonna come at you with worse,

我希望你能有所准备

and I want you to be prepared!

开始吧 拿我做练习

Now go ahead, you practice on me.

-不 -来吧

- No. - Do it!

好吧 找到我的弱点 用它来击败我

Okay, find my weak spot and nail me on it!

不敢相信我妈会被你这样一个

I can't believe my mom was ever attracted

两边耳朵不一样大的人吸引

to a guy with two completely different-sized ears.

你就这样跟一个

That's how you're gonna talk to a man

想帮助你的人说话吗

who's trying to help you, huh?

真是

Just...

亚历克斯

Alex,

在这样一个美妙的日子里我能为你做点什么

what can I do for you on this beautiful day?

你为什么要叫停我的项目

Why are you burying my project?

你真的很喜欢那个婴儿滑板车 不是吗

You really love that Baby Glide, don't you?

是的 婴儿滑板车就是我的孩子

Yeah, the Baby Glide is my baby.

如果可以 我会把我的婴儿滑板车

If I could, I would push my Baby Glide around

放进另一个婴儿滑板车中推着走

inside of another Baby Glide.

真是的 眼睁睁看着自己爱的东西

Man, doesn't it suck to love something,

被别人摧毁是不是感觉很糟

have someone come around and ruin it for you?

你在说什么

What are you talking about?

诺丽·斯特林 多行不义必自毙 哽仔

Nori Sterling. Payback's a bitch, Chokey.

诺丽·斯特林 那是25年前的事了

Nori Sterling? That was like 25 years ago!

要不是你害我们分手

My life might be completely different

我的人生会与现在完全不同

if you hadn't broken us up!

谁知道呢

Who knows?

那应该是我的《滑动门》时刻

That might've been my "Sliding Doors" moment.

《滑动门》 什么

"Sliding Doors?" What?

一部格温妮丝·帕特洛主演的电影

It's a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow,

电影里火车的门关上了

where the doors on the train close

她没能登上火车

and she's unable to get on.

改变了她整个人生轨迹

Changed the entire course of her life.

其实听起来挺好的

It actually sounds pretty good.

值得一看 如果电视上有播的话

It is worth a watch, if it's on TV.

好吧 看起来你很喜欢 我会去看看

Yeah, no, okay, you seem to love it. I'll check it out.

都是25年前的事了 我们还是小孩

That was like 25 years ago, man. We were just kids!

是啊 现在我们都长大了

Yeah, well now we're adults.

我们中一个有钱有权 也就是说我赢了

And one of us has money and power, which means I win.

也就是说你输了

Which means you lose.

我知道你什么意思 菲尔

I know what you meant, Phil.

早上好 艾比

Good morning, Abby.

看看你 系领带了

Ooh, look at you, wearing a tie.

喜事还是丧事

Are congratulations or condolences in order?

都有一点

Little of both.

菲尔·历科兹死了

Phil Ricozzi died.

我要参加他的葬礼

I'm going to his memorial service.

菲尔·历科兹

Phil Ricozzi?

我们是不是在万圣节朝他家扔过鸡蛋

Didn't we used to throw eggs at his house on Halloween?

对 对 他到现在都不知道是我们

Yes, yes, never knew it was us, either.

那你为什么要去参加他的葬礼

So why are you going to his memorial service?

埃莉诺要我去的 我们一起去

Eleanor talked me into it. We're going together.

埃莉诺 爸 我以为你已经放下她了

Eleanor? Ugh, Dad, I thought you were over her.

我是啊

I am!

你是要去偷摸约会

You're going on a sneaky date!

-什么 -你精心打扮

- Wha-- - You're all dressed up,

表明了你的心情 再加上葬礼有约定时间

it's emotional, plus Ricozzi sent a time,

也就是说会有很多酒

which means there will be a lot of wine,

-这一切都指向了... -别说出来

- which leads to-- - Don't say it!

偷摸约会

Sneaky date!

这不是偷摸约会

It's not a sneaky date.

好吧

Okay, fine.

我还准备告诉你蓝色领带

I was gonna tell you that a blue tie

和你眼睛更搭

would go better with your eyes,

既然不是约会 就无所谓了

but if it's not a date, doesn't matter.

无所谓了 对

Doesn't matter, you're right.

爱你 公牛队加油

Love you. Go Bulls!

我也爱你 公牛队加油

Love you. Go Bulls!

打扮帅点也无妨

I guess there's nothing wrong looking your best.

哽仔

Yo, Chokey.

今天放学后 你死定了

Today after school, you're going down!

你好 菲尔 你的狗粮广♥告♥试镜怎么样了

Oh, hey, Phil. How was your dog chow audition?

大获成功

I destroyed it,

就像今天放学后一样 我要打烂你的脸

like today after school, I'm gonna destroy your face.

太好了 所以你拿到了角色

Cool, so you got the part.

对 我拿到了角色 而今天 放学后

Yeah, I got the part. And today, after school,

我要把你撕成两半

I'm gonna rip you a-part.

相信你会的

I bet you will.

我很不希望你失去那个狗粮广♥告♥

You know, I just hate to see you lose that dog chow commercial.

你在说什么

What are you talking about?

如果出现了奇迹

I mean, if by some crazy miracle

我的小拳拳不小心落在你的脸上

I happen to land one of my weak little punches on your face--

摇钱树

The moneymaker!

那他们不会让你拍了

Yeah, they'd never let you film that thing.

小心点 好吗

Just be careful, okay?

今天放学后再见

I'll see you today after school.

我不能冒这个险

I can't take that risk!

摇钱树太珍贵了

The moneymaker's too valuable,

所以别人才叫它摇钱树

that's why they call it the moneymaker!

那我们得取消这次决斗了

Then I guess we're gonna have to call off the fight.

天呐 太糟了

God, that sucks!

我本来也很期待呢

I was really looking forward to it too.

不能取消

We can't call off the fight.

每个人都会觉得我们是学校的胆小鬼

Everyone will think we're the biggest cowards in school.

我知道了 我们假装一下怎么样

Hey, I know, how about we fake the fight?

-假装 -对 就像演戏一样

- Fake the fight? - Yeah, like a stage fight.

你觉得这样行吗

You really think that'll work?

当然可以 只要能让别人买♥♥账就行

Of course it'll work! You just have to sell it.

打之前 你就大声说"菲尔

Before the fight, you should yell out, "Hey, Phil!

我讨厌你 谁让你长得比我帅”

I've always hated you 'cause you're better looking than me!"

我可以自己编台词

I can make up my own lines.

好吧 但我学过即兴表演

Okay, but I've studied improv.

现编台词比想象中难多了

Making up lines is way harder than it looks.

是吗 我觉得我可以

Yeah? I think I'll manage.

唯一的问题是 我从三岁起

The only problem is I've been taking acting classes

就开始上表演课了

since I was three!

我怎么能在一小时内把舞台打斗的东西

How can I possibly teach you everything I know

都教会你呢

about stage combat in one hour?

不就是你假装打我 然后我

Don't you just pretend to hit me and then I go--

对 就这样

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

我就是不能相信我已经是个成年人了

I just can't believe I'm an adult man,

还被菲尔·历科兹欺负

and I'm still getting bullied by Phil Ricozzi.

我让他叫我单蛋 还说我很喜欢

I let him call me One Nut. Told him I liked it.

-太龌龊了 -小伙子们

- I feel dirty. - Boys, boys, boys.

如果你们想要反抗

You want to get back at the bully,

最不应该做的就是让他知道他惹到你[山羊]了

the worst thing you can do is show him that he got your goat.

他的确惹到我了 我都要气死了

He did get my goat. My goat has been gotten.

你可能会惊讶 我以前其实也欺负人

This might surprise you, but back in my day, I was a bit of a bully.

罗恩 我一点也不惊讶

It does not surprise me, Ron.

你每次给我建议的时候就提这事

You seem to always bring it up whenever you want to give me advice.

在那时候

Well, back in those days,

第二个笨蛋看起来毫不关心

the second some dweeb didn't seem to care,

我的兴致全毁了

it took all the fun out of it,

就像折纸鸭一样丧气

and I'd fold like an origami duck.

山羊 鸭子 你到底在说什么

Goats, ducks. What are you saying?

你们的发明拿不回来了

I'm saying you may never get back your invention,

但你们必须回去把气撒回去

but you sure as hell can go there and get back your goat!

你以前是个坏孩子 是吧

You were a bad kid, weren't you?

我做了一些坏事 但是真的太好玩了

I did some things I regret. But God, they were fun!

他们为什么老是摆

Why do they always put up pictures of people

死者生前30年的照片

30 years before they died?

老了以后有什么问题

What's wrong with the older years?

并不是每个人老了之后很体面

Well, not everyone ages well.

对你来说显然不是个问题

Clearly not a problem for you.

你太会说话了

Aw, that is so sweet.

菲尔 真希望你能看到这一切

Oh, Phil, I hope you can see this.

我为什么要往上看

Why am I looking up?

你们好 我是琼·历科兹

Uh, hello, I'm Joan Ricozzi,

菲尔的表亲

Phil's cousin.

希望你能节哀

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

我是埃莉诺

I'm Eleanor.

亚历克斯·莱利

Alex Riley.

那个发明家

The inventor?

天呐 菲尔要是知道你在这儿

Oh my God, Phil would've been thrilled

肯定高兴坏了

to know that you were here.

希望他能知道

I would like to think he does know,

而且我还跟她一起来了

and that I came with this one.

你今天能为菲尔致辞吗

Would you mind saying a few words about Phil today?

我 不 这不是个好主意

Me? No, I don't--I don't think that's a good idea.

菲尔老是跟他的朋友们说

You know, Phil would always tell his friends

他和亚历克斯·莱利一起长大

that he grew up with the Alex Riley.

拜托了 就说一些他和你的事

Please? Just a little about what he meant to you.

-我真的没有 -他会的

- I really don't... - Of course he would.

选择了

have a choice, I guess.

给 小♥弟♥弟♥ 签一下

Here, little bro. Sign this.

-这是什么 -器官捐献申请表

- What is it? - An organ donor form.

你是个好心人

You've got a great heart,

我得确保有人配得上它

and I want to make sure someone worthy gets it.

-我不会死的 -这就对了

- I'm not gonna die. - There it is.

-孩子都很善良 -不 听着

- Kid's all heart. - No. Look,

你不能告诉别人

you can't tell anyone,

我和菲尔达成协议了

but I struck a deal with Phil.

不会真的挨揍 我们假装打架

No real punches, the whole thing is fake.

太聪明了

That's brilliant!

你不死真是太可惜了

It's a shame you're not gonna die,

你这脑子真的好用

someone could've really used that brain.

亚历克斯 你准备好了吗

Yo, Alex. You ready to do this?

当然 准备好了 非常 好

Yeah, I've never been more, you know, ready...

不能 更好

to do...anything.

现编真的太难了

It is hard making up lines.

我忘了 谁先来

I forget, who goes first?

-我先吧 -是我先吧

- I thought I went first. - I thought I went first.

那你来啊

Then go first!

亚历克斯根本没碰到他

Alex ain't even touching him.

他在用原力

He's using the Force.

是吗 牛逼啊

He is? Gnarly.

都住手

Stop this at once!

怎么回事

What's going on here?

莱利 历科兹 立刻去我办公室

Riley, Ricozzi, my office right now!

-你不明白 -不 是你不明白

- You don't understand. - No, you don't understand.

打架的后果就是休学

Fighting comes with an automatic suspension.

但我们不是真的在打

But we weren't really fighting.

-我们是假装的 -你们假装的

- We were fake fighting. - You were fake fighting?

骗子 骗子

Fakers! Fakers! Fakers!

先是因为你 我女友没了

First, you lost me my girl,

现在名誉也没了

now you lost me my rep.

对不起 菲尔 我理解你的感受

I'm sorry, Phil. I get how you feel.

我也经历过

I've been there.

以后吃饭你可以

Just know that you can always sit with

跟我和我朋友一起坐 我们还可以

me and my buddies at lunch, and we can--

菲尔

Phil!

亚历克斯

Alex?

你在这儿干吗

What are you doing here?

我看了《滑动门》

I watched "Sliding Doors"

电影超棒 帕特洛太经典了

It's a heck of a movie, man. Classic Paltrow.

好吧 现在我有点怕

Okay. Now, I'm scared.

不要怕 一切都很好

Don't be, man. Everything's fine.

我只想让你知道

I just wanted you to let you know

我理解你为什么叫停了婴儿滑板车

that I understand why you buried the Baby Glide.

我8年级伤害了你 你25年后报复我

I hurt you in eighth grade, you got me back 25 years later.

合情合理

It's perfectly reasonable.

所以你不生我的气

So you're not upset with me?

不 你知道为什么吗

No, and you know why?

-因为我还有山羊[内心很平静] -山羊

- Cause I still have my goat. - Your goat?

你得知道前情

Yeah, it was this thing you had to have heard from earlier--

相信我 我没瞎说 你知道你和我之间

Trust me, it makes sense, but you know what the difference

有什么不一样吗 菲尔

between you and me is, Phil?

我有钱 开奥迪 和船模约会

I'm rich, I drive an Audi, and I date a boat show model?

不 也是 而且你依赖别人的想法

No, well, yes, but also, you rely on other people's ideas.

像我这样的人

People like me.

如果你还这样过河拆桥的话 就会失败的

If you keep burning bridges, you're gonna fail at this,

就像演戏那样

just like you did at acting.

收回这句话

You take that back!

兄弟 你那部电影我看过了

I saw your Lifetime movie, buddy.

你的演技使得泰拉·瑞德

Your acting made Tara Reid

看起来像茱蒂·丹契女爵

look like Dame Judi Dench.

他对拉奇和詹尼弗两个侄女都很好

He was sweetest to his nieces, Laci and Jennifer.

即使他自己没有孩子

And even though he didn't have children of his own--

你会说些好话的 对吧

You are going to say something nice, aren't you?

当然

Of course.

更不用提友谊

Not to mention the friendships--

我会以他可能不是凶手来开场

I have a good opener about him probably not being a murderer.

还不错吧

That's nice, right?

现在 我想有请

And now, I'd like to invite up

菲尔的一位好友

a very close friend of Phil's,

亚历克斯·莱利来讲几句

Alex Riley, to say a few words.

菲尔曾经 他老是

Phil was...well, he was always--

其实菲尔之前一直欺负我

All right, look, the truth is that Phil was a jerk to me.

是真的 我不知道还能怎么说

It's true! I don't know what else to say,

他揍了我的脸两次

I mean the guy sucker punched me in the face twice.

谁会这样

Who does that?

我小时候很怕被揍

I mean... When I was a kid, I was afraid of being punched,

但奇怪的是

so I guess in a strange way,

菲尔教会了我如何面对自己的恐惧

Phil did teach me how to face my fears.

还有 本来觉得会很糟的事

And also, that something you thought was going to be bad

也可能会比想象中的好

can turn out to be better than you ever imagined.

亚历克斯 你没事吧

Alex! You okay?

嗯 我没事

Yeah, I'm fine.

别逗了 他特别好

Are you kidding? He's great!

脸上挨了菲尔·历科兹一拳

Surviving a Phil Ricozzi punch to the face

让他在学校的声望提升至少27%

raises school cred by at least 27%.

绝对值 对吧

Totally worth it, right?

没错

Oh, yeah.

现在想起来 他也教会我

Now that I'm thinking about it, he also taught me

动力的来源有时候真是意想不到

that motivation can come from the most unlikely of places.

成功就是最好的复仇

And that success is the best revenge.

都凌晨3点了 你怎么还没睡

It's 3:00 a.m. What are you doing up?

我好久没这么有动力了

I'm inspired like I haven't been in years.

我们没拿回婴儿滑板车

We didn't get the Baby Glide back.

嗯 但这激发了我的斗志

Yeah, but that's motivated me to come up

让我想到更好的创意了

with even better ideas.

苹果酱傻瓜开罐器

Easy-open applesauce jar.

防绒衣料

A clothing material that repels lint.

可以遛狗的手♥机♥应用

An app for your phone that walks your dog!

遛狗的手♥机♥

A phone walks your dog?

嗯 就是有个链子

Yeah, it's got like a leash attachment that you put on--

这些不可能都成功

Look, they can't all be winners.

-嗯 -但记住我的话

- Yeah. - But mark my words,

五年后 我们公♥司♥的规模

in five years, we're gonna have a company ten times

-会是菲尔·历科兹的10倍 -没错

- the size of Phil Ricozzi's. - Damn straight.

你猜我们应该干什么

Hey, you know what I think we should do?

别说了

Don't you even say another word.

*我们要发财 我们要发财*

*We are gonna be rich We are gonna be rich*

给我钱 给我钱

Give me the money, give me the money.

*我们要发财 我们要发财*

*We are gonna be rich We are gonna be rich*

*我们要发财*

*We are gonna be rich*

其中一个发明让我事业有成

One of those inventions led to my greatest success,

也让莱利集团享誉全球

which made Riley Industries known the world over.

如果没有菲尔·历科兹

So I guess the truth is that without Phil Ricozzi,

我也不会有此成就

I wouldn't be who I am today.

所以谢谢你 菲尔

So thank you, Phil,

提醒我们有些东西是值得我们去奋斗的

for reminding us there are things worth fighting for.

还让我们记住了最重要的事

And for helping us to remember the most important thing:

时间很宝贵

Time is precious.

一刻也不能浪费

And we shouldn't waste a moment of it.

安息吧 哥们

Rest in peace, buddy.

偷摸约会

Sneaky date.